Losing Piper Lynn

     

          My heart is broken.

          We lost Piper Lynn.

          I got a call from our son Kevin. "I have something to tell you," he started and my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. I knew whatever was coming would not be good. "During an ultrasound, they found out that Kandyce was low on amniotic fluid."

          "Oh no!" I don't know anything about what that means but judging by the sadness in Kevin's voice, I knew it wasn't good.

          "Right now the baby looks good. She's got good brain activity and her kidneys are working."

          Since I didn't know what it meant to be low on amniotic fluid, I asked a few questions. "Can't they just, like — give her some or something!"

          "No. And drinking lots of water or IVs don't work either."

          "So what are they doing?"

          "Kandyce's in the hospital right now. They're giving her antibiotics and they'll probably let her come home in a day or two. She'll be on complete bed rest for the next two weeks. They feel like the baby will have a better chance of surviving at 24 weeks. Then, if she hasn't lost the baby they'll admit her and keep her until the baby's born."

          "How many weeks is she now?"

          "21. And on top of all that, Andrew has influenza A. He's feeling better today so I need to go give him a bath before bed," Kevin finished.

          Pray. That was all I could do. And I know that God hears our prayers. I turned to my church family and asked for more prayers on behalf of Kandyce and baby Piper.

          The next day my phone rings and it was Kevin. "Hi, Mom."

          I heard it. In his voice, I heard it. "Don't say it," I admonished. "Don't you dare say it!" I expect Kevin was a bit taken aback by my sudden outburst and he was quiet for a moment. But it didn't matter if he said it or not. It wouldn't change anything.

          "The baby died."

          Piper Lynn hadn't had her name yet but it didn't take the kids long to settle on a name for God's newest angel.

          "What a beautiful name."

          "It's been nine months to the day since we lost Jaxon," Kevin told me, "and almost to the hour too. How crazy is that?"

          Jaxon died on May 21st and Piper on February 21st.

          I talked with Kandyce later in the week. "What's it been like for you?" I asked.

          "I think losing Piper has been a lot harder than losing Jaxon. We thought because we'd already lost one and the cause was such a fluke that it surely wasn't going to happen again."

          "What do you mean 'such a fluke'?" I asked.

          "Jaxon died because he'd tied two knots in his umbilical cord and cut off his blood supply."

          "Oh, my!" In my mind's eye, I could only imagine the acrobatics he must've been performing to create the knots.

          Kandyce continued. "And losing Piper isn't just about not having a baby anymore. It's also about all the what-will-never-bes. I was already thinking about how to fix little girls hair, outfits, signing her up for stuff like dance. My friend's daughter is picking out prom dresses. That's gone. I'll never help Piper pick out a prom dress. Then wondering how different she would have been from Andrew. Looks, personality, and whether she'd be a picky eater." Kandyce laughed remembering the struggles of trying to get Andrew to even try different foods. I remember a phase he went through where the only thing he would eat was mandarin oranges and a few Goldfish crackers. Which is all very strange since neither of his parents are picky eaters.

          "I think the most important thing that I know now is that everything else I was worried about like work and family drama — not important. It's so meaningless really. What's important is Kevin, Andrew, Jaxon, and Piper. My family. Because I'm a mom to three even though they're not with me. I grew them in my heart, in my heart they'll stay."

          Kandyce's words moved me to tears and my heart aches with the loss of a granddaughter that was so loved and so wanted.

          This picture doesn't really fit the somberness of my story but I love this picture. They're such a beautiful family and I had to show it to you.

          Here's a fun fact. Did you know that there are two spellings and two meanings for discreet?

          I know, right! I didn't know it either!

          Discreet means cautious, reserved, modest, or prudent.

          Discrete means distinct, separate, unrelated.

          I love the little memory tricks to help you remember which is which. Two of my favorites are dessert and wonder. Do you know how to remember which one is the yummy treat after a meal? My beautiful cousin Shannon told me a memory trick she uses. Dessert is correct. It has two esses because you always want more! The other is between wonder and wander. Wonder is amaze so you say "OH!"

          Do you want to see what's been on my glass table this week?

          I was out in my cold and cluttered shop looking for something or another when I found these scraps I'd been saving.

           I brought them in, sorted them, cleaned the dust and dried bee carcasses off, drilled holes, and strung them into chimes. Nothing fancy and I can always make them into something else later if I want to.   

 

          And then there was a little SNAFU when I sent my ex-daughter in law suncatchers at Christmastime. By the way, I hate having to call Angie my ex-daughter in law. Besides being an awesome mother to my grandson Cody and his sister Jessie, she's still very much in my heart.

          "What was the SNAFU?" you ask.

          Without following my customary procedure for checking an address before I send anything, I sent Angie's without first having checked. She'd moved and my package was delivered to the old address. Angie tried to track it down but didn't have any luck. I sincerely hope that whoever has them enjoys them. Sincerely I do. And I don't begrudge it to them at all either. In the meantime, I had this really cute pattern that I wanted to try so I decided to make it for Angie.

          Here it is with the pieces just cut from the glass. I only managed to nick myself once. The glass gobs and copper pieces are for other projects.

          Once I had all the pieces ground to fit I wasn't crazy about him not having a tail so I gave him one.

          I only got him half-foiled before the weekend and letter blog writing time arrived so he'll have to stay this way until Monday.

          On the weekends, the days I write, Mike tries not to ask me to help him do things, but sometimes he fails.

          "Peg, will you help me pour this paint?" he asked.

          "You can do it." I didn't want to leave my writing.

          "I need your help."

          "Why?"

          "You have to clean the edge of the can off with the brush after I pour it so it doesn't drip down the side of the can."

          I didn't laugh. "I'm sure you can handle it." I know I could have. "I'll tell you what. I'll watch and if it looks like you need help, I'll help you. How about that?"

          Mike poured the paint, all by himself. He didn't make a mess, didn't get a run down the side and even used the brush to clean the paint off the top all by himself.

          "Now I have proof!"

          Mike was not impressed. "Now you'll expect me to do it all by myself all the time."

          "No. Just on the weekends." I know how he is and frankly, I don't mind helping him — most of the time. He isn't supposed to start a job on the weekends that he can't do by himself.

          "Is Mike painting something?" you ask.

          Oh, yeah. Didn't I tell you? Mike is painting some of the trim here in the house that hasn't been painted yet. And that's not all either. We laid the piece of carpet in the half-bath.

          "I'm not a carpet layer," Mike lamented. But I think he did a fabulous job — with my help of course.

          "Now we have to keep the door closed," I told Mike.

          "How come?"

          "Because I'm afraid Macchiato will pee on it."

          "Why do you think he'll pee on it?" Mike asked.

          "Because I had two rugs in there and he peed on them both!"

          "It'll get cold in there with the door closed."

          "I don't care. I don't want to take any chances."

          I'm not crazy about having carpet in the bathroom but it's what Mike wants and I have to let him have his way sometimes.

          Speaking of Mike, his diabetes test came back. He doesn't have it.

          Another job we did was to fix the tarp covering the garage door. We had some mighty big winds, gusts up to 65 miles an hour, and it tore the 2x4 off that was holding the tarp on. It didn't take long to reattach the wood and tarp. I'll be glad when we can finally get the door put in.

          Speaking of things broken...

          Wednesday morning, I stood on my tiptoes and reached for my bird feeder. As my heels came back to earth, birdfeeder in hand, the wire hanger snagged and broke. I didn't quite have it off the screw that suspends it.

          Dagnabbit! Nothing to do now but fill the feeder and set it on the ground. I had a crowd waiting for breakfast!

          It was lightly snowing at the time and continued to snow all morning. I took my camera out with me when I went to get the mail. This is the stump I use to hold on to as I step over the dog fence. Sometimes I snag my toe and would end up on the ground if I wasn't holding on! 

           Instead of walking the whole way down to the mailbox, I looked from the edge of the old loading dock. Yep. Flags down. The mail came through.

          We don't use the back driveway for a driveway but I use it when I walk down to check the mail. And look what happens to it! Water comes down off the hill and follows the driveway to the ditch beside the road. In the cold, it freezes. 

            Rather than risk these old bones, I go up over the rocks to the non-icy area on the other side.

          This day though I thought there was enough snow cover on top to give me traction and I didn't go over the rocks. I slipped — but I didn't go down. On the return trip, I took the rocky route. Better safe than sorry, right?

          Mike's roll of wire hanging on my garden fence with an old piano hinge.

          A stump I saved from the fire. Don't ask me why! I don't know.

          The bird feeder was mostly empty by this time. I knocked the snow off, dumped out the few remaining seeds, and took it in the house with me. 

          "Mike! Will you fix my bird feeder for me?" I asked coming back in the house.

          "What's wrong with it?"

          "I broke it."

          The wire had been stapled on the inside of the feeder and when I pulled on it, I ended up striping the wire. It took Mike all of two minutes to loosen to the staples, reinsert the wire, and pinch them back down. He's a good husband.

          Coming home from Thursday morning breakfast, I saw a hawk. It was too late to get a picture but that didn't stop me from trying and crying, "DANG! I hate it when I don't see 'em soon enough to get a picture!"

           Mike doesn't say anything. He's used to me.

          But one thing I didn't miss was this huge piece of equipment moving through Wyalusing! He was so wide he had a State Police escort.

          "Where's he going?" I asked conversationally.

          "To one of the gas wells I guess," was Mike's answer.

          This is the train bridge as it crosses the Wyalusing Creek at Wyalusing.

         

          The birds finally finished up the store-bought suet cake that was in the feeder and I got to put out one of my homemade ones.

          "Peg, don't you lie to these people!" my conscience says to me.

          Okay okay! So it wasn't quite gone. I was tired of waiting for them to finish it so I dumped the remaining piece out onto the ground.

          I'll tell you what! They just go crazy for the homemade suet cakes and fight over it in a way they don't for the store bought ones. I don't have any special love Starlings but they seem to out-flock the other birds. 

          I decided to go out under the kitchen awning and see if I could get some better pictures but all I did was scare the birds away.

          A cheeky little Blue Jay took advantage of the Starling-free feeder and had a go at it. Aren't his colors beautiful!

          It didn't last long before a brave Starling came back.

          A little later, I notice there was just one Starling on the feeder and a whole bunch of others on the ground under him. Looking through my binoculars, I saw he was pulling pieces off the suet cake and dropping them to his buddies below. I don't know if this is something they will do or not but since he did it over and over again it looked intentional to me.

          We took a trip to Dushore. I see my favorite scarecrow is still guarding his patch.

          It looks like someone else lost a door in the big wind. This is a sugar shack. I don't know if that's the right name for it or not but it's a shed where they have a tank that collects the sap from the sugar maples.

           Yes! The sap is running! Pennsylvania makes the best maple syrup!

          All of these blue lines near the base of the trees are what they use to collect the sap. The days of taping a single tree with a single bucket are for the small timers.

  

     

          These two barns have a corner that hangs over the creek. See them? I hope you appreciate this picture because Mike had to go around the block for me to get it.

  

          The train depot at Dushore. The trains don't run through here anymore and except for this small section, all of the track is gone too.

          I hate when the reflections on the window ruin a perfectly good picture.

           A cat hunting in a field.

         

            And I got the scarecrow again as we headed back the other way.

   

          In other news, I could just kick my butt! I inadvertently made myself sick.

          "What did you do?" you wonder.

          Well, I just love homemade mushroom soup. I bought several packs of mushrooms and had them in the fridge for a couple of days. Three maybe, but no more, I swear! I got them out and while washing them I noticed a couple of them had a spot that felt a little slimy. I scraped the spots, rinsed 'em well, and tossed 'em in the pot to cook. After sautéing them in butter, I froze half for another day and made myself a nice pot of soup. Oh my gosh! It was so good! I had it at lunch and supper! Mike isn't crazy about soups so he had something else.

          The End.

          Just kidding. Sort of. If you're sensitive to poop stories, then I would definitely call this one done and not read any more. If you want the down-and-dirty, the nitty-gritty, gory, gross, and somewhat repugnant details of real life, then have I ever got a story for you!

          I had my homemade mushroom soup twice on Monday and enjoyed every. Single. Bite.

          Tuesday morning, climbing out of bed, sitting on the pot, I heard water hitting the bowl before I'd let my water down. It took me a second to realize it was from my bottom. That's odd, I thought.

          "Ewww, Peg!"

          I know, right! However, I did warn you! I pull no punches here and if you think reading about this is bad — you should have been on the other end of it!

          I thought it was odd but I had no other symptoms. I shrugged it off and went about the day.

          A little later, while drinking my first cup o' joe, I felt a little gas coming on. Not wanting to risk another leak, I headed for the pot and boy was I glad I did. Other than being released with more water, it wasn't that bad.

          A little later the cramps started. Not bad but I knew I should get to the pot. More water accompanied the emptying of my bowels, which I thought I'd emptied the first time I was in there! I thought I was done for sure that time but hadn't gotten far before I scrambled for the pot again! More water, more poop — where's it all coming from! —  and wave after wave of cramps that hurt from the top of my head to the tips of my toes!

          "Food poisonings just a little diarrhea."

          My foot! It's so much more!

          But I got through it and breathed a sigh of relief when it was over. There couldn't possibly be one more drop of poop left anywhere in this old lady!

          A little later, it hits me again and for the fourth time — NOOOOO! NOT AGAIN! I scream inside my head — and run for the pot. More water and — unbelievable! — more poop! And the cramps! Oh my gosh! The cramps were bad enough before but now they were even worse! Real gut-wrenching, sweat-inducing, tear-my-shirt-off, rock back and forth, I-think-I'm-gonna-die cramps! I honestly don't know how I got through it. It was just awful!

          Who knew mushrooms could make you so sick.

          "Everyone!" you exclaim.

          But I did it the way I've always done it.

          "You rolled the dice one time too many!" you say.

          I know, right!

          I knew I lost a lot of water and started right in drinking glass after glass of water. I filled my 22-ounce water bottle up and emptied it five times that day and the next. 

          I think it's gonna be a while until I want mushroom soup again. Instead, I opted for a pot of homemade turkey vegetable.

          I'm not the only one in this house that had a bout with the skidders.

          I bought the girls a pack of bones from the grocery. Again, not the first time I've done this. While Itsy enjoyed the bone tremendously, this one must have had more fat on it because she left me a present on the carpet the next morning.

          That Bissell Pet Stain Eraser Santa brought me for Christmas has been more useful to me than I could have imagined. Gone are the days of spray and paper towels for this girl. I keep the little spot shampooer charged and ready to go at all times.

          Speaking of presents, I got a package from my friend Trish. She made a decorative box to hold your combs and brushes, or in my case, my craft supplies, she made a beautiful purple cross that I gave to Kat (I hung it on her picture), a sweet card and a cute barn calendar. I am blessed to have such talented friends and family. I love getting things, especially when they're made and given with love!

          And who doesn't love getting things — even when it's something you ordered. Mike got a new filter for our water system on the same day I got my package. It was like Christmas around here!

          And on that much more pleasant note...

          Let's call this one done!